ok so it is 8 in the morning umm.....i've been up since yesterday cuz i drank an amp with extra sugar added to it cuz we were going to the park and i was tired so i figured i'd need the extra boost but then ash's grandfather bought us milkshakes and i was like so damn thirsty i like sucked that thing down quicker then lightning crosses the sky. ummm ok the pathetic thing is everyone is asleep i've been alone for like....4 hours and i'm so bored that this entire thing i'm about to type has already been planned out for like an hour and all i'm really gonna do is talk about random stuff you really don't want to hear about.....but uh...i'm still jittery and i reeeeeeaaaaaalllly need something to do. okay, so anyways as you know i'm at ashley's and i'm bored as HELL!!! i come here like every weekend and i noticed her bad habits before but now i know EVERY single one and i notice when she's acting on it every single moment of my life. i highly doubt but i have like....this creepy feeling she wants to be me.....or at least some over the top version of me cuz it seems like everytime i get into something or want something she has to obsess over it or have it. this is just a theory but still i've been very paranoid about it since like.....last summer maybe.

O M to the effing G i'm so pissed lately and i don't know why! i'm not PMSing i still have a few more weeks to go but like everytime someone even thinks about me i feel like i wanna tear open their ribcage, shove their severed head inbetween them lil' rib bones, and piss in their mouth kinda like a lil' fountain ya know? i'm pretty convinced it's all the stuff going on with my dad. i mean like i wrote some gooey message to my mother in her "mom i'm not going to be a bitch to you today" (aka mother's day) card that i was so convinced she forgot about ok so anyways she like writes me a reply in my birthday card and i almost started crying and she like opened up a new credit card account just so she could get me gifts. okay now on to my dad.......he gave me a card that says "i love you happy birthday on it" sit on OUR couch and starts watching house without saying a word THEN he has the nerve to apologize for my mother cuz she actually wants to get serious and talk about divorce. "ilove you?" pfft no you don't you lying ass face. if you loved me you pay for the house YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE MONEY!!!! if you loved me you'd support the family i've decided to stay with. does he think he's gonna smoke me out like a rat via bill collectors? hell no! i'm not living in that hovel he and his brother call a living enviorment.

ok sorry i needed to vent a little cuz the only person i've been trying to talk to lately is ash and everytime she brings up something that offends me cuz of the situation she doesn
t catch it herself and when i tell her and she aplogizes i'm pretty sure she doesn't mean it. then i'll say some "you don't understand what i'm going through" crap and she'll say "yes i do" but she obviously doesn't cuz if she did then she would be more careful of what she says and not complain about her life all the time. at least she can sit on her ass and watch tv. i have to get some freaking code just so i want watch funimation cuz of the stupid parental block on my grandparent's tv! ok getting distracted from some happy times. alrighty so i went to that kareoke (or however the hell you spell it) night thingy ok so i sing 99 red balloons and it is so kickass cuz i get to show off my german-ness to the wor-er drunkards with nothing better to do. so many people hate that song....WHY!? it's a kickass ancient year old anti-war song! we need more hippie songs like that! and the chick that sings it is like german (she even did a german version of the song) but this is the goldfinger version so it's got section of the german part in it and i was rockin' the flem man! This is what we've waited for! This is it boys this is war. The president is on the line as 99 red balloons go by. sorry that's like my favorite verse in the whole song.

God I so need to call Jamie before i DIE! she like only has my home phone number and our phones are down. i used to have her number on my cellie but it's gone now. this would be so much easier if she didn't live in florida. whenever i get the chance i'm going to e-mail her on my mother's computer and give her my new number. i wanna go to her house i'm getting so sick of ash's house! her parents are ultradociously nice, they have cable, but i'm a little tired of it all. i kinda wish one of my other friends would just like randomly invite me over cuz i think my head's going to pop. seriously people i'm starting effing summer school tomorrow (damn you cheerleading coach math teacher who only talks about football) it's for like 1 month and i get friday through sunday off it's not like you guys won't know when i'm free. i like keep trying to call all my stupid friends and they won't pick up the damn phone. some of them have my new number and others i told them i'd call the from the number so expect something with such and such to come up. i mean i tried getting ahold of hikaru and all but she won't pick up okay so she doesn't have my # but i left like 3 messages!

Okay one good thing about ash that's ultradocious even when i'm mad is that she's always asking me to come up with character designs ( like my only strong point) so i get to have like a million OCs and not have to really think about it. alot of them i really take to like one of my latest Sylph. Yet another request from Ash Sylph is a tsuchigumo (demon spider thing) and a damn good teacher..... i tried looking up spiders for features then look into spiders in mythology to decide what he'd be. i already made the design without really thinking about it. human head, torso, arms, spider body, 8 eyes, pinchy things (name escapes me) that act like a jaw. nothing really like that in mythology......went with tsuchigumo....i wanted to give him happy face spider markings but i decided against (although HF spides are soooooooo cute!) i also brought keina and absolute back from the dead. drew a SWEET pick of foxy-foxy and the boys in the band with some pose references i kinda stole from fire emblem and the monster book of manga. okay yeah i steal poses but i don't like recolor some naruto picture and go "lol hai gais chk oot ma new OC! heez myne su doo nawt steel!" okay so i am done here..............that tooke.....49 minutes so i'm gonna go ahead and post this and watch a crappy movie....maybe twilight....i'm gonna stop talking shit about the series cuz i really just don't care anymore (takes too much energy to hate) but if i really wanna watch a crappy movie well...it's like right there on the shelf. that movie was the most boring thing i've ever watched. they drag it out so much to the point i wanna shoot myself and them when they finally get to the smidge of action at the end it's like....nothing....and i'm pissed about how people were bitching about the sparkling thing NO! YES HE IS SUPPOSED TO SPARKLE!!! WATCH THE SPECIAL FEATURES FRO ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!!! STEPHANIE MEYER WAS THERE AND WAS WATCHING EVERYTHING THAT THEY DID AND SAID IT WAS BETTER THAN SHE HAD IMAGINED!!!! Happy now? i get the director is ugly and all but uh...she got fired....cuz people wouldn't stop complaining. she did everything that could possibly live up to the writer's expectations? what more do you want from the poor woman?